Tuesday, October 2, 2012


My heart is full.
Have you ever had a heart so full it seemed impossible to start pouring it out?
I have no idea where to begin in recounting my experience to you.
That's why the two-week silence. 
I've been home from Kenya for two weeks...

Snippets. That's all I can manage.
No big, sweeping, novel-esque tales of grandeur. 
Bite-sized bits.
That's how I'll do it.
And hopefully I'll be able to convey even half of my heart to you.

Let me start with Britt's first bath after my return.
The water poured from the faucet.
Clean, sparkling, clear.
Loads of it.
A bathtub full.
And it startled me like a shock of lightning. 
I'm bathing my child in gallons upon gallons of drinking water cleaner than most kids in Africa have ever seen.
Cleaner water than they've ever bathed in.
Cleaner than they've ever drank. 

The water I saw there...
the water that mothers dip out of the river and bring to their babies' lips;
Dark with waste.

I fumbled with the faucet; turned the water off.
I couldn't get it to stop pouring forth fast enough.
Britt took a shallow bath that night.
And I sat there, trembling, thanking God for such extravagance and wondering...
Why is this for me...this tub full of shimmering water.
And that is for them...that river barely moving; garbage lining the edges; filling broken cups with it and drinking.
Water I wouldn't even bathe my baby in...

I don't know why.
God didn't tell me.
All that I know is he calmed my questioning that night.
I know that God holds the whole world in His loving hands.
I know that to whom much is given much is required.
I know that He loves those beautiful babies as much as he loves my beautiful babies.
I know that I don't deserve any of His grace or his gifts.
And I know that he gave me this experience to open me up in new ways. 

The calm that has settled in my heart has nothing to do with having become complacent and hardened to their plight.
It has everything to do with trusting that God has a purpose for it all,
and there is a place for me in that purpose.

...More to come.