Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Potty Talk

I'm almost positive that I'm not cut out for potty training.
Like, 99% sure it's just not my thing.

I am not a patient person.
And I'm fairly certain training a little person to go poo on the potty requires boatloads of patience.


I wake up most days telling myself: 
"Yes. Today is the day.
Today is the day we learn to potty.
And diapers will be no more."

And we start out quite determined and assured of our imminent success.
And we travel along this path:
to the potty every 15 minutes,
read books on the pot,
warn about going poo in your undies,
bribe with candies,
bribe with stickers,
bribe with new underoos,
bribe with dancing and a "poo party." 


Until.
Oh...around 9:30 I slap a diaper on that butt.
The glowing little biscuits of his cheeks get shrouded in yet another Luvs and I say,
"Today there's just too much..."
{Even though there's not, even though we've planned to stay home all day just for this purpose.}
"We will surely be successful tomorrow."
And I breathe easier just knowing there's a diaper-clad toddler running around happily pooping and peeing himself at will.
And we start again the next morning...
the whole process with the diapering happening at just about the same time in the morning, give or take 15 minutes.

So.
I'm failing at potty training.


"But." You say, "But haven't you trained two other children previously?
What can be so different about this one?"

I did, my observant friends, I did live through potty training twice before.
And you want to know how that went?
Do you?
When Beck and Evie were three and two respectively, I tried The Potty Training with the same frightfully inept strategy.
Start with hopeful anticipation and putter out by mid morning.
And then I went away to Jamaica with my husband and left those two diapered toddlers with my mother-in-law for 5 days.
And when I got home...well...something extraordinary had occurred.
That dear mother-in-law of mine had trained those two babies and I didn't see another diaper {or hideous pull-up!} on their rear-ends ever again.
I almost wept.
I'm not kidding. 


I'm reaching out to my very accomplished set of readers out there...
I know so many of you are card-carrying members of the Successful Potty Trainers League
{only a precious few, ridiculously lame mothers are not}
What was your favorite, most fool proof potty training method?
And don't tell me he needs to be ready, because, you guys, this kid is ready.
I just know he is. This is all my problem.
Hit me with your best shots.

And...well...I'm going to try really hard with what I'm given.
But I'm going out of the country again in a couple of months and that very same mother-in-law is coming to stay with the spoken of bediapered toddler while I'm away.
I'm not trying to be presumptuous...
but if we had a repeat display of her potty training prowess I would not be upset.
Just throwing that out there into The Universe.
I'm not sure The Universe reads my blog, but I know for a fact that my mother-in-law does.
So...


Other tales of my potty training woes:
{well...now that I go back and read this post I guess I actually did potty train Beck.
I forgot.
I guess it was so terrible I've blocked it from my memory.}


12 comments:

Katie Allegretti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie Allegretti said...

A potty watch (or timer, whatever you've got), good old fashion bribery -- 2 M&Ms for pee, 3 for poo, and celebrations like you've never seen over bodily functions that prior to having children, you never thought you'd be so eager to celebrate. I don't think PTing needs to be so complicated (unless your kid just will not PT, but you're not there yet), just block off the day like you did, put him in underoos and try the simple method stated above. You DO know what to do. Just don't give up!!

Burkinator said...

I have no experience in this at all, but I do remember when my mother potty trained me. It was *that* crazy.

The woman used a baby gate to lock me in the kitchen with just her and a little potty. She fed me salty snacks all day long so I was good and thirsty and had to use that little potty about 2 dozen times. It worked in one day. And she did the same thing to my sister. There were very few accidents after that. And I think she PT'd both of my sister's boys.

Her name is Linda. I think I see a pattern here. And I bet your MIL will find your post hilarious.

Jamie Willow said...

We used the naked method. Any time we were home, he was nakey butt. He never peed on the floor, he did #2 on the floor once. We'd put a pull up on during nap and night and when we left the house. Eventually undies.

Jamie Willow said...

here is a link to the article I read and pretty much followed for training Judah:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_potty-training-in-three-days-or-less_10310078.bc

Andrea said...

I'm just going to come back and forth to this post and read the comments of your readers and get some tips.

we've been potty training Ava since March and she's still not doing it all the time. plus being in daycare isn't helping my case at all. i'm convinced it's harder to potty train your child when you're a full time working mom and your daycare isn't doing the same things you are at home.

anyway, best of luck! :)

Saundra said...

I potty trained Elijah while I was there and Laura was in Australia for a week. I say wait for Grandma, sometimes it's just better that way.

Alicia Marie said...

I don't want to think about potty training Colin. The child is crazy.

BUT, it took FOREVER to have Jack 100% trained, but that was really his pace and his decisions and I never had one poopy accident. Ever. I kept him naked quite a bit and than would do the diaper for naps and outings. Ryan took him to run errands first without a diaper and that seemed to give Jack the confidence that he could make it. We really just waited for him to be o.k. to not have a diaper on in pubic or in bed.

BUT Colin is a completely different child and I am reading all these comments for some help and ideas.

Favorite idea so far~ Send your MIL to my house :)

Sarah said...

Boys are harder than girls. Hands down. I waited until they were three and then they pretty much trained themselves. Audry and Molly both trained themselves at mid two :) He'll be trained when he is ready. Kyle is 5 and still does not have overnight control. They are all wired different :)

Sabrina said...

Completely unsolicited advice to follow: How old is he? And has HE decided he wants to be potty trained? Because my best advice is... don't potty train. They'll do it themselves when they are ready. Also, I personally discourage those little kid potties, because they are in essence a toy tool, so you're teaching your kid to pee in a toy, then you've got to teach them all over again to go in the toilet. Potty training in my house was a total breeze. Just before the age of 3, with both kids, they showed interest in using the bathroom.. so I'd just sit them on the tiolet occasionally. I'd ask if they had to go potty regularly. I still used diapers if we were leaving the house, but used pull-ups so that I could give them the chance to use a store toilet ( WAY FUN!) if they wanted to. It took about a week or two for each kid, was totally stress free because there was no pressure on myself or on them to perform. I also lucked out in that daytime potty training meant night time potty training. I think that's because the daytime training happened when they asked for it to happen, when their little brains were wanting to process the whole idea rather than trying to process an idea that was mine.. if that makes any sense. I had the luxury of not *needing* them to be trained which I know isn't always possible, like if they're going to preschool or daycare that requires complete potty control. Anyway, that's my assvice, lol!!

Mrs.G said...

I saw this on pinterest today and thought of you http://www.themoesfamilyintexas.blogspot.com/search/label/Potty%20Training

I refuse to come to terms with the fact that I'll have to do this in the nearer-than-I-like future. ;)

j.c. delgaudio said...

Try the towel potty training method.