Sunday, May 8, 2011

On Mother's Day

Today Mr. B. {and the piggies} had planned to surprise me and take me out for brunch HERE.
Something I would have supremely enjoyed.
But Beck has been down with a high-grade fever for the past two days
{Teetering on the point of taking him to the Dr. to see what is really up - my very last resort, I assure you.}
and I just had a sneaking feeling that whatever was planned for today would probably have to be cancelled.
It was. Cancelled.
And I was disappointed.
But...I'm also a mother.
And mothering is never more needed than when some little one is down and out.
So, on this mother's day, I found myself monitoring a fiery little forehead, sponge-bathing, saying: "One more sip of must," measuring 2 teaspoons of syrup over and over, and pacing the floor with more than a little anxiety when he started having fever-induced hallucinations.

Today wasn't the most glorious celebration of motherhood known to man but then again, it was probably the most true-to-form.
Mothers never, ever get a day off.
Never never never.

It induced memories of my mother and her beautiful, giving, selfless style of motherhood.
The things she did for me when there were, I am sure, many other glamorous things begging for her attention.

...singing As the Deer to me to soothe me to sleep... birthday candles in a dim room and singing, her face beaming...

...tirelessly driving me to piano lessons - every week, for nine years...

...teasing my bangs so they stood at perfect attention - I had the best bangs in the 1st grade, ask anyone...

...praying with me on her bed that day I was 8 years old, "Jesus, come into my heart..."

...catching me in my first major lie and dealing with it gracefully so that it brought me closer to God and her instead of driving me away...

...bleary-eyed and cooking breakfast for countless groups of sleepless "sleep-over" guests...

...sitting through my high school tennis matches and keeping a positive attitude - I was painfully unathletic...

...praying for me - I know she did this and her prayers must have been something like,
"Dear God, if Ashley is doing something she shouldn't right now catch her in her disobedience and make her feel like total crap for disobeying her dad and I."
Because they always did catch me and I always felt like junk when I got caught...
{maybe she didn't say, "total crap" in her prayers...}

...rubbing my back for what felt like hours while I bawled, prostrated on her bed on the night my first "real" boyfriend and I broke up; and being sweet and sympathetic about it even though she was probably doing somersaults inside because the guy was such a dummy... with me and never wanting to go into "her" stores, it was all American Eagle all the time (except for those times it was Abercrombie and Fitch)...

...planning my entire wedding with barely a peep from the bride - I guess I was too busy living in another state and falling deeply in love with Mr. B. to bother with tiresome things like wedding plans...

Every little mundane, "I-could-be-doing-something-else-right-now" moment that she gave to me I experienced fully and needily.
That nurturance was so essential to me and I didn't even realize it - because a lot of times you don't realize you need something until you don't have it, or until maturity hits you and you can see clearly what made such a difference in your life.

All of these small things taught me how to be a mother.
Little did I know I was in motherhood training through it all.
I only hope and pray that I can take these every-day lessons and be some semblance of the mother she was to me.

My mom with a tiny little Evie-piggy.

Marmee, I love you.
Happy Mother's Day.


Alicia Marie said...

A very true mother's day blog! I loved it. Colin woke up screaming at 3am and 5am...for fun.So, while it is nothing like your poor sweet was another reminder that I was up with a screaming baby on mother's day because I am mom and only I would do.

I love that your mom sang As The mom sang that all the time.

And she especially prayed the get caught and feel bad prayer...cause I was not good in High School and needed that prayer. I will FOR SURE pray those type prayers over my boys...

I hope you get your brunch soon...

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much Ashley E. You were my first beautiful babe and practiced all my mothering on you. your words mean so much to me. Being mom to you has been the greatest privilege of my life and now the best, cutest grand babes and miss you much this day....weird being away from those I love most! See you wed.