Sunday, March 13, 2011

Yellow Balloon

Last year there was this.
That little pudding-face has turned into this big hunk of baby.
How can one little person change so, so much in the span of one year?

Britt's first birthday makes me feel a lot of things.
I feel happy. I feel overwhelmed. I feel a little confused. I feel blessed. I feel sad. I feel grateful.

But mostly I feel fulfilled.
Here's the thing:
I can look back at my baby's first year and say that I soaked him in.
I lived it up.
I lived him up.

I snuggled him. I buried my nose into his warm neck, I kissed him and munched on his cheeks.
Yes, I snuggled him good.

I prayed for him. I thanked God for him and prayed earnestly for his future.

I laughed with him. His hilarious expressions, new voices and baby-giggles.

I dressed him the way I wanted.
All of those silly cotton pilot hats that make people laugh and say things like,
"He looks like a tennis ball!"
"That hat cracks me up." (A nice way of saying, "What an ugly hat," I am quite aware.)
I put those on him because I adore them. I think they're the standard of cute.

I rocked that baby until he was begging to be put in his own bed to sleep.

I nursed him, reveling in the closeness that relationship created.

I took approximately 9,000,000 pictures of him and filled my hard drive with digital images of rosy cheeks and sparkle-eyes.

I paced the floors while he screamed in colic pain.
(or whatever the heck colic is...)

I kissed his ouchies and heartbreaks away.

I watched him charm his big brother and sister. Making them melt with a whimper, break into munchkin-land giggles with a smile, try new, crazy antics just to get him to utter a chortle, run to his aid if there be an injustice in his little baby-world, beam with pride at his accomplishments.
Seeing their sibling relationship evolve has been one of the biggest gifts of my life.

I worried over him in feverish nights and pressed my lips to his too-hot forehead.

I danced cheek-to-cheek with him in our dim-lit kitchen night after night.
Just about the only thing that would calm him before bed for a month straight.

I bragged about him. I unabashedly thought he was the best baby that could have graced earth. I fell into a deep, unrestrained love for that baby of mine.

I'm sad that the first, precious year is over...
I knew it would go quickly, but not this quickly.
The one thing that keeps me from melting into a puddle of sad-mommy-goo is the fact that {as cliche as it sounds} I have no regrets.
Not even one.

This is the beauty of it...
If I had it to do all over again I would do the exact same thing.
Every minute. The same.
There is such peace in knowing it couldn't have been done better.
Yes. I lived him up.

So now I will sit back, while the one-year-old burrows into his blankies for the night after a day of birthday partying, and have a glass of champagne.
 Toasting to Britt, to myself, to love, and to one of the most magical years I have ever had.


Laura said...

You make me cry. I love you. I love him. And I don't want him to be one. Or Beck to be 5 or Evie to be 4 or Elijah to be 3. Make them all stop. (ps... Elijah's feet are rivaling the size of mine. That makes for awkward shoe shopping trips.)

Andrea said...

Beautiful. It does go by to fast. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy!

Jamie Willow said...


Mrs. D said...

Beautiful post Ashley ... So simple yet so eloquently put ...

Lyndee said...

I love how you love your special and precious children. I admire your maternal heart and am glad Ira found you! You bless me.

Alicia Marie said...

Beautiful post. Made me snuggle my post nursing, now sleeping babe a bit longer. I am an emotional goo at the rapid growth of my babies...thanks for putting things into perspective.

Seriously though, HOW is Britt 1? It feels like yesterday I was reading your tweets about baby B. Crazy.

Katie said...

So perfectly written. Someday, he will love this. :)

Sarah said...

Beautifully written... it goes too fast. It sounds as you treasured every moment :) Happy Birthday Britt!

Tami said...

Maybe it speaks to me because I am all about snuggling a chunky little bundle right now, who makes me smile more than I had in a long time. But your words were graceful,gorgeous. Happy Birthday Britt, you have a wonderful mommy :)

Lucy said...

So beautiful...congratulations and Happy Birthday to Britt! I'm sure he will be so glad to read this when he is bigger. He must feel very happy being so loved.

[not the] Best Blog Ever said...

Aw, sweet post, and I love the way Britt is looking at you in that third pic. It's so obvious that he loves his mama very much - and vice versa!

Happy birthday, Britt!