Monday, January 3, 2011

Bachelor Brad 2.0 - Pregaming

Oh Em Geeeee.
The Bachelor starts tonight!!!!
(Just had to be totally annoying about this...the sheer excitement I'm feeling about this TV show is disgusting and terribly juvenile. Thus, the obnoxious-ness.)
Now that we've gotten that out of the way let's begin.

I've been doing my research for Brad's 2nd Bachelor go-around.
Let's hope this one is more successful than the last, shall we?

Here I have compiled a list of the most notable bachelorettes.
So entertaining.
So smutty.
So perfect.

Got all my info off of this site.

Ashley S. - 26
 Already the name is good.
: )
I just like this girl.
Family oriented, reads thought-provoking books, has 0 tattoos (I'm sorry, but tattoos are starting to get redundant to me...everyone has one), has a tad of a funny bone and plays board-games with her family.
Totally cute.

Britnee - 25
(no, that's not a misspelling)
 She said:
About her dog - Tinkerbell, she is my life, my heart, and my everything. She's a shitzu and the prettiest princess.
Her favorite author - Stephenie Meyer
Please say she didn't just call her dog the "prettiest princess."
(A shitzu at that! I know that bug-eyed, snaggle-toothed creature is not the prettiest princess.)
And Stephenie Meyer?

Britt - 25

 Again with the wonderful name.
Britt is a food writer. (Yay!)
She wants to be Martha Stewart for a day because, "of her business savvy, perfectionism, and a general domestic Goddess-ness!" (Double yay!)
Britt knows American sign language, which I just happened to start teaching the piglets this morning.
(Tripple yay for serendipitous circumstances!)

Cristy - 30
(again, not a typo...she was just a victim of unfortunate naming circumstances)
Said her worst date memory was: "Finding out my date had been a date prior to mine that same night." she aware what show she signed up for?
I smell trouble.

Emily - 24
 Her worst date memory: "The guy was so rude to the waitress. I went back the next day to apologize."
Points to Emily for being a Nice Girl. There aren't enough Nice Girls out there.
And she has tattoos, but one is behind her ear and my opinion on tattoos is: if you're going to have a tattoo, for Lordy's sake, put it in an original spot and avoid the lower-back Tramp Stamp.

Kimberly - 27
 Her favorite author is C.S. Lewis.
Interesting combo...a Bachelor cast member + C.S. Lewis lover.
Although, I'm a C.S. Lewis lover and I started this post with,
 "Oh Em Geee! The Bachelor starts tonight!"
So I guess I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

Lauren - 26
 Lauren has scary eyes.
That's all.

Meghan - 30
 Most embarrassing moment: "when I was making out with a guy that I was dating. His A/C was broken and it was summer and my spray tan got all over his new white sofa because I was sweating so badly. I was mortified then and still am now."
Yeah. That is embarrassing!
Like, so much so that I might not tell that story to anyone...

Michelle - 30
This girl is gorgeosity. 
But what I love is that she shared this... 
The first thing she's bring on a deserted island:
Tweezers - I have hair that grows out of a mole on my face that totally bugs me!
Hooray for self-deprecating gorgeous girls!

Raichel - 29
(another funky name spelling)
 I don't have much to say about this cute girl except that her occupation is 'manscaper.'
What in the world?
I have some ideas...and if they're correct, Mr. B. could really use one of these!
; )

Renee - 28
 What she said:
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen!
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
Yes, I wrote my future husband a love letter to be delivered on our wedding day when I was 20 and I still have it!
A shamrock (in a special location)
Oh brother...

Sarah L. - 25
She has no tattoos (me too!),
was homeschooled (me too!),
and picked Belle as her favorite Disney princess (me too!).
Prediction: she'll be booted the first night.
Face it honey, nice girls like us just don't belong on reality television.

Disconcerting ideas:
 more than one of these girls has a shamrock tattoo "in a private area," the sheer number of [grown] women gushing about the Twilight Saga (gag), the age gap between our bachelor and many of his bachelorettes (he's 38, some of the women are more than 15 years younger!), in response to the "What would you take on a stranded island" question many of the women opted for their ipod over food or life-saving devices.

That's it!
I hope you'll be watching with me and reading (and COMMENTING) on my Bachelor blog posts.
And, if you're not watching/reading/commenting I hope you're doing something immeasurably more useful with your time because I am very aware of the sheer waste of time all of this Bachelor nonsense is.
And that is the last negative thing I will say about my (your?) obsession with The Bachelor.
Let the "Most Dramatic Moments" in the history of The Bachelor commence!
*Insert girly "sqeeeeee" here.*


Katie said...

You're awesome, Ashley. I wouldn't be watching if you weren't blogging. And if women weren't consistently crazy. Hooray. No squeals, sorry. ;)

Beka said...


I thought it started NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to have to HOOK UP MY TV!!!!!!!! (yes. that shows you how much we watch tv around my house!)

I CANNOT WAIT to read/blog/COMMENT about this misfortunate show! :)

(misfortunate...meaning................. . . . . . . . ABSOLUTELY ADDICTING show!)


Andrea said...

Oh, I'm so excited for tonight! I love that you called it Pre gaming! :) Bachelor Monday night, your posts Tuesday morning...ahh that's what life is made of! ;) he, he...... can't wait to get your take on it.

PS- I too love that we share of love of all things Bachelor, and we're not afraid to say it.

Let the re capping begin!

Jamie Willow said...

Emily is my fave. Her story made me cry. oh man. I love her! And she is gorgeous.

I am tired of people being mean to Brad. I like him.

Vampire girl needs to go away. far far far away. ew!!!!!

Laura said...

Not to be unbachelor-like... but is there an alternate way to contact you because I really need to talk to you. As soon as possible. And you've apparently vacated FB.