Saturday, January 19, 2008

She.

She probably isn't born yet. She has not even been conceived.
But she's here. Way down inside. She's in the very deepest part of me.
She is where cold and dirt cannot penetrate. She is in a place that does not allow her to be touched by rejection.
She is thought of. She is nurtured. She is loved.
She is a tiny seed. A little light. A twinkle.
Way. Down. Deep.


l

I am reading this book. Forever Lily. It is a memoir of an adoption in China. It is re-awakening things in me.

Mr. B. and I talked about adopting from China before we were even engaged...almost before we started dating. It was one of his "deal breakers." If I wasn't willing to take in one of China's orphans, I couldn't take him.
I said I would, with all my heart.

I have never had to put down a book so that I could cry. I had to do that with Forever Lily last night. The account of these abandoned babies in their prison of an orphanage was too much.
When I said I would adopt all I saw was a bouncy, round-faced baby. I didn't see my heart breaking for her. I didn't see it as a rescue mission.

Now, I do.

I had Mr. B. read the few pages in the book about the orphanage. When I came into the room and asked what he thought he looked at me with blood-shot eyes.
He said, "We could take ten..."

4 comments:

The Arnold Family said...

Awesome.

Mrs. P Martinez said...

Bless you and Mr.B.
I would love to read this book but would most likely would just sit and bawl my eyes out.

MississippiZen said...

I have read this book ... and like you, had to lay it down to mourn for all of the babies that wait...

when there are so many that would adopt them in a second ...

makes no sense...

Lyndee said...

God has a baby for you! I rejoice in His Promises and the Love He placed in you to adopt. Things never seem to go exactly as we think they will so hunker down and get with God so He can lead you every step of the way to the child He chose for you!